bada boom BIG BOOM

lately i've been trying to get into the habit of doing what i want instead of what i should be doing... it's been getting me into doing some pretty interesting things like play my guitar more, read all the harry potters again, start movie marathons, write a lot more, travel more, etc.

but it's also helped me find out what i really want out of life... i mean i always knew that i wanted to travel and live minimally ((because useless clutter of luxuries makes me feel guilty)) but i always thought "im never getting married" and "im never having kids"...

lately though i've found out that i still dont want to have kids ((there are way too many people)) but i do want to get married... and i realize that i can only be married to someone who fits some criteria:

1. over 6 foot ((yea... sad i know))

2. pretty eyes and teeth

ok enough of the superficial stuff

3. needs to be into some kind of art (music, painting, photography, writing, etc.)

4. is able to live minimally and try a whole bunch of different kinds of food with me

5. does not want kids and hopefully for the same reason i dont

6. will NEVER think about buying me a diamond ring

7. will wear a dumb n dumber tuxedo to our wedding and not because i forced him to

8. can spend all of our time playing video games, reading good books, drinking cheap wine and waiting for the next plane, car, bike, boat out of here

i dont think that's too much to ask for.. i have some friends who fit those criteria... so i think that's why i figure if i ever do get married, it has to be the same thing that i look for now in my friends...

this is just something i needed to share in order to remind myself that at one point in my life, i knew exactly what i wanted

ohh and i also want to make a living by writing creatively... books, poetry, short stories, ghostwrite for someone else.. i dont care.. i want to read and write for the rest of my life

for now, my life is perfect just the way it is.. not that i'm going to keep it this way, but as of RIGHT NOW 11:17AM JULY 1, 2009, i am perfectly ok with everything in my life and will continue to strive for the best of my ability and i think that everyone needs to do the same thing

((PS my brother just said "i love you" on the phone to his gf and didnt even flinch.. he's 17... is this going to go super well or end super horribly?? we'll see... damn my mind for always trying to tell what the future is... just be happy for what it is now!))

the other day i was riding my bike with my friend trianna and we saw a dog get hit by a car and was laying in the street howling for it's life trying to get up but it couldnt because all it's legs were broken.... holy shit... why me?

so i go over to help it or at least try to calm it down and it gets scared (completely understandable) and bites me on the hand and my hand swells up and i had to get a tetnis shot in the butt and i lost a day of work which, in my eyes, costs me 140 at least... why me?

but then i was thinking about it and shit happens all the time.. no mattter what.. and especially because i am always out and about and going on random adventures.. i feel like even though that dog bit me and i was in excruciating pain, i was with like 8 other people i didnt even know who were trying to help this dog out and then they proceeded to take me into their house and help me out once i was bit... THAT is life...

even though it was still suburban america in their safe little homes, it was still raw genuine actions from random people coming together for a common cause... black, white, lebanese, armenian... we had a mix of every type.. and nobody cared about the other person's accent or color...

i know i'm making a huge deal about this dog dying ((which he did in the end)) but it was something that i can look at for the bigger picture and not just for the fact that i got bit by it.. i'm not mad at it at all.. it was acting completely instinctually... poor thing

yesterday i went to warped tour and was just completely fascinated by all the kids that go.. i'm even more fascinated because i know that half of them were looking forward to warped tour for awhile and planned out their outfits really well to show off to everyone.. to be aesthetically pleasing.. to please the sense of sight of everyone else... AMAZING!

i went with my friend spencer ((hi if you ever read this!!)) and he had a lot of fun watching the bands he likes.. but i only really liked a couple that were playing and not even that much so i couldnt help but just watch everyone in amazement (i got in for free and mainly just went to hang out with all my friends affiliated with the tour))... people amaze me some times.. well, all the time.. just the way they act, their thought process that you can see painted on their faces.. man o man... the human race, something weird

ok i'm going to start reading again.. i'm trying to finish all of the harry potters ((again)) before the new movie comes out... i forgot how good all of these books are.. i'm homo for rowling no joke

angela... OUT!

Now You Know

ok so here i am sitting in my room finally having some time to read my Time magazines which have been neatly ((not too neatly)) piling up on my desk... and i just remembered now why i fell in love with this magazine.. it's super left-wing, we all know this ((well, most of us know this)) but it does give factual evidence to things that are going on now..... ok let me just present my evidence to my argument:

june 29 issue:

1."The average temperature in the U.S. has risen 2 degrees F over the past 50 years ((not a lot to us, a lot for the world tho)) if carbon emissions are not reduced, it may climb as much as 11 degrees more by 2090."

ok what does that mean?? a few degrees rising is hhhuuuggeeee for the world!! i mean in the span of the world's lifetime, 50 years is a walk in the park.... sure it's half, or more than half, of a human life, but it's ssooo short for the world. what i'm trying to say is.....

stop having kids please... they're not going to last... and even if they do, they'll have to deal with the shit you're doing now...

everytime i see someone walking with a stroller pushed by one hand and the other hand holding another two year old and then on a leash there's another child creating chaos behind the mother, i seriously have to stop myself from saying "STOP HAVING BABIES!! THATS ENOUGH OUT OF YOU!!" literally, OUT of you... please stop popping out kids!! that's one more mouth we have to feed... and with 4 million more people every week going hungry because of the rising food prices ((according to the World Food Group in Time mag)) we dont need one more selfish little mcdonald's-eating american fatty mouth consuming the last of what we have!!

i just cant take it here in america anymore.. other countries seem to be doing their part a little better than us... nobody in america remembers what it was like to sacrifice something for what they believe in.. the closest we're getting to that again is civil rights movement which is too far back for most of us and now the gay rights movement which doesnt affect HALF of us... everything is still too convenient but only because we're running off daddy Uncle Sam's credit card which is slowly becoming less and less reliable as the US loses its reputability because its spoiled brat children cant keep their mouths shut and their legs together and their wallets closed for one second.

Macchiavelli's The Prince explains that a huge part of the rise and fall of Caesar's rule was his providing of "bread and circus" for his people... if you keep them entertained and full, they'll do whatever you want.. but they won't start doing anything again until that is taken away.. and then, and only then, you have yourself a revolution...

the power of women

there is a taboo about feminism that make people cringe at the thought of dikey women getting together to castrate men and provide solely for themselves... well, i mean, if you think of feminism in that way

some words just get bad reps and can never be taken seriously again... ((communism, balls, etc))... and i think feminism has gotten a bad rep.. i really think women need to stick together as much as they can.. they're so vindictive and evil, but i think it's only because they're so afraid of everyone else, so afraid of their ego falling...

i work with the best group of girls... my manager only picks girls to work with us who she knows will get along with everyone.. and, surprisingly, there is absolutely NO drama at my work!! and this is usually not the case when there is a 10:1 ratio of girls to guys.. but there isnt any fighting.. all of the girls i work with are absolutely amazing, strong, kind people who look out for each other and truly care for everyone else... this is the kind of feminism i'm talking about.. just being able to truly love each other and not fight or bicker or take revenge on anything.. these are women, not girls.. i'm one of the youngest ones there and i am learning so much from all of them.. my god, i do work with the best girls around ((i work at open sesame.. and if you dont know what that is, you need to find out!!))

i bring this up because i have been kind of having a bad couple of days for reasons i will not disclose as i have made this a blog of bigger perspective, not tedious bullshit

anyway, the girls in my life have given me so much strength and motivation to move forward with my life and i pity anyone who does not have a strong friend-base.. it really does make or break a person.. especially because the people who you surround yourself with usually tend to define you.. which is true for the most part.. and i'm so thankful for all of the girls in my life

so women, please keep your friends closer than your boyfriends/husbands/FWB (friend-with-benefit).. because they ((the boy... or girl!!) will always ALWAYS come and go but your friends will be standing next to you each time that happens

don't say you weren't warned

lately

been thinking about you bbbaabbbyyy.. and everything you dooo... haha does anyone know what song this is??

well anyway, lately ((really, i'm starting with that)) i've been so involved in things i know i SHOULD be doing and forgetting about the things i like to do... it's been making me really depressed: loss of appetite leading to loss of weight ((which i cant afford since my peak is 110)), change in attitue and outlook towards life, change in personality, etc. i would cry everyday for a short amount of time ((don't pity me.. it's just a factor to the point i'm going to make)).... i would get mad at everyone, very irritable.. ok you get the point

so i was thinking, "what can get me out of this rut??"... it had to be something somewhat symbolic for me seeing as how i live my entire life looking for symbols and signs to lead me in the right direction ((literally... i flip a coin for decisions.. and not just any coin.. a Franc that i've had for awhile and have put all my energy into it so it'll always give me a right decision.. dont judge me))... so my friend gina tells me it's a neq zodiac year: year of the aries (yours truly) and then a couple of my guy friends told me about a book called "Power of Now"... and then that book came up in conversation with a customer at work... then, i bought a rubiks cube, learned how to solve it in under 5 minutes...

so how do these all tie into each other?? they're signs of change... the book: it's a new enlightenment i can tack onto the long list of influences i already have but might have forgotten
the new zodiac year: it represents change, which i feel like i need
the rubiks cube: it's a small detail that brings me joy, relieves stress and helps me remember that i can do something fun and for myself and still be productive throughout the day

so, in the end, i have transitioned from a rut to back-to-normal all because i waited a while and let it come to me

what's the point?? i have friends who resort to drinking, smoking, pills, etc. when they're not at the top potential... but these, along with any other antibiotic (medication) are just short-term fixes.. i chose a more difficult path to find my happiness but i didnt have to toxify my body, buy any drugs, make a fool of myself ((not saying everyone does, but DAMN!)...

the point is.. if you're unhappy with your life, reflect on why... it all usually stems down to one simple question: "what am i afraid of?" you can be afraid of rejection, afraid of your ego being hurt ((usually the case)), scared of what others might think if you dont succeed, etc. there's plenty of answers to this question, but it is up to the individual to find that answer and then work through it

you can do it.. everyone.. i have faith.. please dont become a waste of human capital and drown your sorrows because it's too hard to face them

((this is to nobody in particular, but just a word to the wise))

if anything, this post is for me.. so i can look back and remember what made me happy and how i did it.. not that it's always going to be the same, but i can get an idea

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU, and also with you ((that's a tie between jedi-ism and catholicism))

the power of the mind is a funny thing. you either realize the potential of the mind and utilize it full-force, or you let that power go to waste and thus become a waste of human capital (solely a consumer)

in the past couple of weeks, i've been realizing that i have a choice in my thoughts. i can think about whatever i want, along with think HOWEVER i want about anything. my perspective is my choice, along with my actions and reactions. what i choose to think about during the day is completely based on me. it's a complex concept, thinking about the fact that you have the power to think about whatever you please. this action about thinking about thinking is what seperates us from the rest of the animals. we are homo sapiens "wise thinkers".. we are conscious of ourselves.

i was looking at the street this morning while i was driving to work and i was straining to see as far ahead of me as i could possibly see. then i started to imagine the street at a 2-dimensional picture that my eyes are painting for my thoughts. because really, that's all it really is. we only know that the tiny trees in the distance are not really tiny because eventually we have tha ability to move closer to them and see perspective and depth within our 2-dimensional thought transfer from eyes to mind. if it were not for the experience-based perspective of the image, we would not realize that the trees far off in the distance were not really tiny, but just far away. trying to imagine the image from eyes to be just a 2-dimensional painting is a really hard thing to do, but it's weird that if i so pleased to think that way, i would be pleased in seeing the world in that fashion

i have to get back to reading accounts of galileo's inquisition, which just so happens to land on my bday (april 12).. so this will make April 12, 2009 the 376th anniversary of galileo's inquisition

all he wanted was to show the world that there's more to thinking than the divine thought. that we have potential to exceed the limits of what "god has logically allowed."

now you know.

why.. i dont know!!

I dont know why I havent been writing in this.. I always think about it, but then i never get around to it.

memo to self: start paying attention to minor details. it seems like my focus is always the bigger picture, bigger things. i feel like everyone needs to just pay attention, and appreciate, the smaller things in life. like colors, smells, nature, etc. "stop and smell the roses" seems like a good way to sum up how i feel.

see, here i am again not knowing what to write... "I'M NO SUPERMAN!"... ((scrubs is on))

learning about rome and western civilization makes me realize more and more that america is not going to last too much longer as the world's biggest superpower..
it just doesnt happen..
every other country ((or empire)) that thought so just fell super hard.
history should teach us what NOT to do again, when really, people take history and just go "we're better than that now though"...
so nothing is developed..
no progress..
just nationalism nationalism "our country is the best!!"...
there is no "hey, our country might need some work"
because that's just terrorism!! ISN'T IT!?!

"you're either with us or you're a terrorist"

ok angelica is on her way to my house and she's going to be pissed that i'm still in my PJs watching scrubs haha