lately

been thinking about you bbbaabbbyyy.. and everything you dooo... haha does anyone know what song this is??

well anyway, lately ((really, i'm starting with that)) i've been so involved in things i know i SHOULD be doing and forgetting about the things i like to do... it's been making me really depressed: loss of appetite leading to loss of weight ((which i cant afford since my peak is 110)), change in attitue and outlook towards life, change in personality, etc. i would cry everyday for a short amount of time ((don't pity me.. it's just a factor to the point i'm going to make)).... i would get mad at everyone, very irritable.. ok you get the point

so i was thinking, "what can get me out of this rut??"... it had to be something somewhat symbolic for me seeing as how i live my entire life looking for symbols and signs to lead me in the right direction ((literally... i flip a coin for decisions.. and not just any coin.. a Franc that i've had for awhile and have put all my energy into it so it'll always give me a right decision.. dont judge me))... so my friend gina tells me it's a neq zodiac year: year of the aries (yours truly) and then a couple of my guy friends told me about a book called "Power of Now"... and then that book came up in conversation with a customer at work... then, i bought a rubiks cube, learned how to solve it in under 5 minutes...

so how do these all tie into each other?? they're signs of change... the book: it's a new enlightenment i can tack onto the long list of influences i already have but might have forgotten
the new zodiac year: it represents change, which i feel like i need
the rubiks cube: it's a small detail that brings me joy, relieves stress and helps me remember that i can do something fun and for myself and still be productive throughout the day

so, in the end, i have transitioned from a rut to back-to-normal all because i waited a while and let it come to me

what's the point?? i have friends who resort to drinking, smoking, pills, etc. when they're not at the top potential... but these, along with any other antibiotic (medication) are just short-term fixes.. i chose a more difficult path to find my happiness but i didnt have to toxify my body, buy any drugs, make a fool of myself ((not saying everyone does, but DAMN!)...

the point is.. if you're unhappy with your life, reflect on why... it all usually stems down to one simple question: "what am i afraid of?" you can be afraid of rejection, afraid of your ego being hurt ((usually the case)), scared of what others might think if you dont succeed, etc. there's plenty of answers to this question, but it is up to the individual to find that answer and then work through it

you can do it.. everyone.. i have faith.. please dont become a waste of human capital and drown your sorrows because it's too hard to face them

((this is to nobody in particular, but just a word to the wise))

if anything, this post is for me.. so i can look back and remember what made me happy and how i did it.. not that it's always going to be the same, but i can get an idea

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU, and also with you ((that's a tie between jedi-ism and catholicism))