Rollercoaser of Emotions, party of 1

i'm usually good about keeping myself in check... i have a strong, stable head on my shoulders and can notice where my emotions are rooting. but for the past 4 days, i've been at an all-out war with my own thoughts... all-out.. literally yelling at myself to calm down and stop being irrational and stop thinking about "what-ifs".... it's fully consumed me and i dont know how to stop it and that's when it's scary.. when it's out of my control.. when it just goes on its own... my thoughts versus my rationality and commitment to BDOML (best day of my life... see previous entries)

what triggered this?? this is my dilemma... it could be a number of things:

- tied down to more obligations than leisure, creative time

- getting older and coming to the realization of disease and fatality

- nobody else to fix!!

those seem to be the ones that hit most... but they hit before... i knew all that and had all those factors in my life before and it still hit me

so i think that it is more getting out of the vacuum of pessimism and pull myself through the balckhole and back into the cloud of optimism.. because whichever way i look at it, it's going to happen anyway.. so i should probably just look at it in a more optimistic tone and make it worth my while

in other news, this is awesome

http://www.justfortheloveofit.org/