finals over= need to get my writing fix elsewhere

this will be a post that i've been meaning to write, but have been so busy that i couldn't.

driving to my parents' house, i pass by three fire trucks and an ambulance at the local library, helping some guy on the bus stop. i was stopped at a red light right next to the scene and i couldn't help but tear my eyes away from the poor old man and instead look over to the people who were watching the whole thing go down. what were they looking at? what were they looking FOR?? this scene of heroic firemen coming together to help this old man who needed saving. something out of the ordinary!!

you go to work, you go to school, you eat a little, you sleep a little, you watch some intense movies that allow you to pretend for an hour and a half that you are someone else doing something else. you have to watch other people doing things that you'd probably never dare do in reality. so you put a down payment on a 42" flat panel display with full HD and hope, HOPE, that you can be transcended into this fake world and become a ninja, a beauty queen, a riches to rags story, ANYTHING other than how your life is turning out now...

other than movies, i guess in the sack is another place you can really become a part of your fantasy... so i guess, you make love a little too so you can get out of the gross funk that is your life

so those firemen... saving, heroic!! in actuality, 3 firetrucks were probably NOT needed, but it's lakewood... what else do they have to do at 2 in the afternoon on a thursday? but they were there, and i watched so many people drive by and rubber neck it for a quick glance at something out of the ordinary.. out of their reality of a pathetic, 9-5, family-bound life...

thank you firemen: you saved a life and entertained a crowd.

do not read this:

haha i knew you were going to anyway

i started my period today (i warned you)

problem solved.. root of depression defined

all is well in angela's world again... until next month, ladies and gentlemen!!

so what else did i want to talk about?? ok here's an excerpt from a book i'm reading on the developments of the constitution: (president= John Adams)

"The President's House in November 1800 was not for the faint of heart. Building equipment littered the yard. The mansion and grounds were open to public view, surrounded only by a wood-rail fence. Curious gawkers frequently wandered in and out of the house, a phenomenon that led Marshall to ask the capital's commissioners for a system of regulating the visitors. Although builders were beginning to install indoor water closets in some new houses, none had been provided for the president. The president and First Lady had to venture out in the exposed yard to a wooden privy. Abigail Adams frequently hung laundry in the East Room."

- The Great Decision by Sloan and Mckean

hahhahaha.. this is hilarious... the white house at its finest, i swear

also, the supreme court was honored with the basement as their meeting quarters.. how awesome

and just for the heck of it, here's another awesome piece of art

the sshhheeeeiittt, i must say.

this is the kinda stuff that gives me all kindsa crazy anxiety about how much i want to learn about these giant crazy islands we call continents.

Now You Know

Rollercoaser of Emotions, party of 1

i'm usually good about keeping myself in check... i have a strong, stable head on my shoulders and can notice where my emotions are rooting. but for the past 4 days, i've been at an all-out war with my own thoughts... all-out.. literally yelling at myself to calm down and stop being irrational and stop thinking about "what-ifs".... it's fully consumed me and i dont know how to stop it and that's when it's scary.. when it's out of my control.. when it just goes on its own... my thoughts versus my rationality and commitment to BDOML (best day of my life... see previous entries)

what triggered this?? this is my dilemma... it could be a number of things:

- tied down to more obligations than leisure, creative time

- getting older and coming to the realization of disease and fatality

- nobody else to fix!!

those seem to be the ones that hit most... but they hit before... i knew all that and had all those factors in my life before and it still hit me

so i think that it is more getting out of the vacuum of pessimism and pull myself through the balckhole and back into the cloud of optimism.. because whichever way i look at it, it's going to happen anyway.. so i should probably just look at it in a more optimistic tone and make it worth my while

in other news, this is awesome

http://www.justfortheloveofit.org/

Two of my most favorite pieces of art in the past 2 weeks:

and

just something to think about... these pictures can strike up a whole bunch of conversation.. none that i have time for right now... on to islamic conquests of india in the 18th and 19th century... i said goodday

bathroom silence

i was washing my hands in the bathroom yesterday and it was a small bathroom and it was just me and one other girl in there washing our hands right next to each other

it freaks me out that we can just both pretend like the other one isnt in the bathroom.. like the other person doesnt even exist!! why do people do that??? we go about our business in that small. confined place and dont even acknowledge each other's presence!!

and that's just one instance... that happens all the time... everyone's on their own little agenda... but yet we still have some things we have to share... like elevators, bathrooms, stores, movie theaters, the little area at coffee shops where you get coffee stirrers and sugars and milk

the same day i was sitting in the library and i saw a guy sit down with a group of 3 girls who were sitting at a 4-chair table.... he had PLENTY of room for all his stuff, but one of the girls moves her phone an INCH in toward her... an INCH!!!! it's like the phone was outside of her bubble and intruded into his bubble that he was making when he sat down... i dont know.. social spaces have really been on my mind lately

on the other hand, my kitten doesnt have social spaces and lays on my face sometimes just because that's where she wants to be

i am going to go into the library and sprawl out completely on someone's table... all over their books and snacks and phones and laptops.. and see what they say.... a couple options:

laugh

yell at me.. something like "what the fuck, man!!"

have a low-reaction time and just watch me do it... THEN yell at me

or they'd be too worried about making a scene and they'd just let me do it

on my last day of finals, i'm going to do it.. i mean i dont want to have to see those kids oncampus for the next year ... ya know??

NOW YOU KNOW

is victor a word?

i have a horrible habit of hating someone i never give a chance. it happens all the time.. this happens mostly (always) with girls... guys i dont do it with because (sorry boys) they are usually too simple to provoke any sort of intimidation.

girls, though... girls girls... they are vicious creatures sometimes. I especially know because I am truly guilty for being a vicious girl at her finest.. this is probably a huge reason why i dont trust other girls. i'm fully aware of their capabilities..

but the energy of hatred i waste is truly just wasted because it never is what it seems. this is true for multiple occasions and i have not yet seemed to learn my lesson. however, i am addressing the problem and finding its roots... this will at least help me to now overcome this problem

root of problem: my mother (hi mom!).... she taught me everything i know about the cruel tactics of women.. thank you, mother.. you have protected me from falling face first in front of very cruel women, but you have also allowed me to become the kind of girls i hate, to a certain extent at least

I do not wish (women) to have power over men; but over themselves. – Mary Wollstonecraft

Now You Know

Violence is the only answer.

Reading: Franz Fanon "Wretched of the Earth

Elaine Feinstein "Anna of the Russias"

Are we not always in constant war? Is a war only betwen two conflicting groups of people? What about the conscious war between health and disease? Bacteria is a living entity that fights for survival everyday in a space which we claim as our own. This body is our possesion and bacteria are trying to survive using our own necessities: skin, organs, blood, fluid. This is their survival tactic.

They survive and we die or we survive and they die. Concurrently, humans spend an entire lifetime preparing themselves for this battle. Vaccines, anti-bacterial devices, isolation of the contaminated. We are constantly on an upward struggle. Always killing off one thing that threatens our existence.

Gravity: Gravity tries to press down upon us and we are constantly forcing ourselves back up. The building of muscles has become a lifelong preparation to literally fight against gravity. We are constantly at war with things/ factors that threaten our existence and the only time we are truly liberated from this struggle is when we, as individuals, cease to exist. Is this liberation or defeat? Did we lose? What/who is the victor? Can we say that time is the absolute victor? And in the individual battles, can we say that gravity or disease was the victor?

We are at a constant war for existence in a space we consider our own, in a time we consider our own. We do not compromise with anything that threatens our existence. we ddeessttrroooyy it... it is embedded in each and every one of us. we will struggle for survival at all cost or we will cease to exist.

Angela rants pt. 234897352: straight to DVD

i started resisting the ever-growing temptation of purchasing any article of new clothing.. it's a difficult task to take on especially when i need like socks or i want new tights, but i'm trying trying trying

a couple (6) years back, my family lost everything because the the business my dad owned could not compete with the cheapy prices in china... the irony of it is he got a job as a longshoremen, unloading the carts full of cheap labor material that took everything from him in the first place

now, i take a stand not to buy anything from china (or any other developing country, for that matter)... everything made in the USA is so expensive but it's only because it's in low demand... i wished that at least a small group of people would start doing the same: resisting the temptation of cheap products made by cheap labor... these are PEOPLE!! people that are stripped of all their own rights only to make our consumer *COUGH* BULLSHIT *COUGH* goods...

every great country was built by the slaves it controls.

imperialism imperialism imperialism... i cannot say it enough.

europe held onto thier colonies, french held on to their colonies.. and used them for EVERYTHING... until the people of those underdeveloped countries TOOK A FRIKKIN STAND ((frikkin is my new word.. i'm trying not to fucking cuss anymore))

right now,we are built by the slaves we hold in china... the question is, when will they realize their importance and start using it to their advantage?? this isn't completely out of the question here, people!! this is the way it always always ALWAYS happens.. i'm not saying "history repeats itself!!"

i'm just saying, when you take away everything from a people and they have nothing else to lose, they're more willing to fight ((not just in china.. but everywhere))

now i'm ALSO not saying all of china is our slave... but they are our driving force.. the engine that pushes our spoiled asses along... but we're falling, they're oppressed, and something is going to happen quick-status

can someone please take a stand on something?? i walk around and watch people move about because they're minimally satisfied for right now...

when will it be enough for people to actually start standing up for themselves?

are we going to wait until it's soo beyond repairable that we have to indulge in a whole new system??

why dont we start now while it's still festering?

they all look like they're ready for a fight, but to only decorate themselves as people who are taking a stand is not nearly enough. when i confront most of them, they are standing on nothing but a guitar and a heap of clothes made for a stand taken by another generation.. these are not people who are creating movements.. these are people who like the idea but are too scared or lazy to do anything about it...

this is why when you see those "hippies" on the grass playing their goddamn guitars and spreading flowers you cringe at their stupidity... ignorance is bliss for these kids

i am not ignorant.. i am not a hippie... and i will not let my dignity fall because everyone else has taken that route

goddamnit i need to stop drinking so much coffee before i start writing this... and i also need to calm down on the reading i'm doing.. but i cant help it.. it drives me!! DRIVES ME!!

PS thank you to all my friends who listen and listen and engage in proper and WONDERFUL conversations with me... to you, i owe my entire foundation i've built for myself and for you.

ignorance is bliss, but cannot be appreciated by the ignorant.

Currently reading:

Frantz Fanon "the Wretched of the Earth"

Edmund Morgan "The Birth of the Republic"

those aren't the only two books i'm reading but they're what's pushing me more than anything right now in my trains of thought.... if i can suggest any book to someone who's interested in the process and start of a revolution, it would have to be fanon.. he's an algerian french revolutionary that talks about decolonization and he believes that you can only do it through violence and force... that nonviolence and compromise do NOT work!

OOOOMMMGGG my kitten is laying next to me playing with the zipper on my laptop case and she fell asleep mid-swing of her paw!! probably one of the cutest things i've ever seen... her movements just got slower and she finally just slowly closed her eyes...

ok anyways.. back to what i was saying.. i've been spending a lot of time alone and just reading and i've been noticing that it's hard for me to transition back into tedious bullshit normal conversations with my friends... like yesterday i spent all day reading fanon's book then i went out with my derby team to see Whip It and i was quiet and observant... i slowly went back to having fun and being silly like usual but it was really weird how long it took me to go back to the "simple things in life".... i find myself slowly becoming a lonely philosopher and intellect who has a hard time being a normal 22-year-old with normal 22-year-old problems... everything is bigger than me, greater than me... greater than my small problems

this is a short post... back to reading!!

constant change = acceptable oxymoron

the only constant is change. this is probably a phrase in which most have heard but few have accepted. everything changes all day and every day. no matter how much you'd like things to stay the same,they dont

some may argue that staying the same is boring anyway, and that change is good (for the most part). but, at the same time, some have tied into tradition and societa norms so much that there is no more question of whether things should or should not change anymore.

when the women's movement happened in both america and in europe, the women were literally fighting against something that was considered a natural law. women were bound by nature to their duties as a home maker and child-bearer. there was no question as to whether this was true or not. this was the way it was. even during the movement of women's rights, there were still some women who thought of this as unnatural and too radical. that the women who were trying to change were out of their minds or barbaric almost.

but now, with most universities' statistically enrolling more women than men, we can see that what was considered natural at one point in time is now unfathomable.

this brings me to think of other things that have maybe been considered naturally the way things go but really they are just something we've agreed upon to the be the norm: the nuclear family (father, mother, usually 2 children)? privatized healthcare?

expand your mind to think of things that you consider to be naturally the way things go and ask yourself if it really is the truth or if it is indeed a fabricated truth that you were born into and have just accepted as the norm

this blog was supposed to go another way... but my thought process took me here... i wanted to make this more about an individual and not so much as a societal consideration

so look at also yourself... every morning you wake up (which is a true blessing!), ask yourself if what you do everyday is what you want to do or just something you have agreed to and havent been able to get out of... you should be always doing exactly what you want and when you want... and then some may argue that chaos would ensue if everyone did what they wanted. but i can only come back with the argument that if you are a good person, what you want to do will always positively contribute to the general health of a society

if you love what you do, you do what you do right.

i started getting in the habit of always asking myself "what do you WANT to do today?" because sometimes i find myself doing things because i think i'm supposed to be doing them.... but this should never EVER be the case.. this isnt dress rehearsal.. this is your only chance

this has become a reiteration of past blogs... but i dont care.. it's the most important message i can convey

Now You Know

simplicity v. complexity

ok i hope i did that right...i've never posted a video.... but this video is really inspiring and i just wanted to keep it moving along to different people. i dont know who's reading this but keep this video going.. i think it's the innocence and simplicity of it that really gets to me... i mean she isnt filling her speech with big words or specific hard facts or even a way to fix things. she's addressing what i feel john locke and james harrington addressed back in the 18th century that influenced the american colonies to split off....

they addressed the idea of humans and how you are only in possession of your own body when you are born but you work into whatever you become.. that's a really diluted and quick overview of the locke philosophy, but it's the truth!!

ok school is calling my name... i just wanted to post this for anyone who hasn't been cursed with the disease of apathy

BDOML v. boredom

i feel like i want to do EVERYTHING all at once everyday of every second... allow me to present my list of to-dos today:

-read a good amount for school

-clean my room (check)

-start brewing kombucha tea

-start researching the beginning of starting a garden

-start a new blog strictly on the process i'm taking to make my garden

-jam out a little with some good friends

-EAT!! ((necessity which sometimes takes a backseat))

-put my rosetta stone for french and spanish on my computer

-buy: mascara ((because after my stye, i change that shit out every month!), toothpaste, binder, socks, ((other stuff i find while i'm shopping for that.. you know how it goes))

that's only the thing i can remember now!!! and on top of that, i have so many awesome friends ((not conceited, just appreciative)) that are inviting me out to either jam out at their house or take some awesome pictures or go to some awesome shows or go to the flea market today... the possibilities are super endless

which brings me to a pet peeve i have: people saying they're "bored"... i dont think i've ever once in my life said i was bored... i'm usually so overwhelmed with things i want to do that i'm more frustrated because i dont know where to start!! how are people bored?? that just doesnt make sense to me at all.. i WISH i could be bored sometimes.... just sit on my ass and stare at a wall, contemplating my life because i have nothing to do

"bored" is not in my vocabulary.. and if it's in yours, call me up and i'll give you something cool to look into doing!! maybe something i want to do but cant because my plate is already piled up to the ceiling, slowly tilting back and forth like the pile of kitchen appliances Cat in the Hat made in the book (not the movie)

ok this was among the things i wanted to do today... post to my blog.. here it is...

i love so much it makes me sad that one day i'll leave it.. but i'm glad that i am aware of me not being immortal because it makes me appreciate life that much more everyday

everyday is the Best Day Of My Life because it's the only one i have and the only one i'm guaranteed.

Know You Know! ciao!

bada boom BIG BOOM

lately i've been trying to get into the habit of doing what i want instead of what i should be doing... it's been getting me into doing some pretty interesting things like play my guitar more, read all the harry potters again, start movie marathons, write a lot more, travel more, etc.

but it's also helped me find out what i really want out of life... i mean i always knew that i wanted to travel and live minimally ((because useless clutter of luxuries makes me feel guilty)) but i always thought "im never getting married" and "im never having kids"...

lately though i've found out that i still dont want to have kids ((there are way too many people)) but i do want to get married... and i realize that i can only be married to someone who fits some criteria:

1. over 6 foot ((yea... sad i know))

2. pretty eyes and teeth

ok enough of the superficial stuff

3. needs to be into some kind of art (music, painting, photography, writing, etc.)

4. is able to live minimally and try a whole bunch of different kinds of food with me

5. does not want kids and hopefully for the same reason i dont

6. will NEVER think about buying me a diamond ring

7. will wear a dumb n dumber tuxedo to our wedding and not because i forced him to

8. can spend all of our time playing video games, reading good books, drinking cheap wine and waiting for the next plane, car, bike, boat out of here

i dont think that's too much to ask for.. i have some friends who fit those criteria... so i think that's why i figure if i ever do get married, it has to be the same thing that i look for now in my friends...

this is just something i needed to share in order to remind myself that at one point in my life, i knew exactly what i wanted

ohh and i also want to make a living by writing creatively... books, poetry, short stories, ghostwrite for someone else.. i dont care.. i want to read and write for the rest of my life

for now, my life is perfect just the way it is.. not that i'm going to keep it this way, but as of RIGHT NOW 11:17AM JULY 1, 2009, i am perfectly ok with everything in my life and will continue to strive for the best of my ability and i think that everyone needs to do the same thing

((PS my brother just said "i love you" on the phone to his gf and didnt even flinch.. he's 17... is this going to go super well or end super horribly?? we'll see... damn my mind for always trying to tell what the future is... just be happy for what it is now!))

the other day i was riding my bike with my friend trianna and we saw a dog get hit by a car and was laying in the street howling for it's life trying to get up but it couldnt because all it's legs were broken.... holy shit... why me?

so i go over to help it or at least try to calm it down and it gets scared (completely understandable) and bites me on the hand and my hand swells up and i had to get a tetnis shot in the butt and i lost a day of work which, in my eyes, costs me 140 at least... why me?

but then i was thinking about it and shit happens all the time.. no mattter what.. and especially because i am always out and about and going on random adventures.. i feel like even though that dog bit me and i was in excruciating pain, i was with like 8 other people i didnt even know who were trying to help this dog out and then they proceeded to take me into their house and help me out once i was bit... THAT is life...

even though it was still suburban america in their safe little homes, it was still raw genuine actions from random people coming together for a common cause... black, white, lebanese, armenian... we had a mix of every type.. and nobody cared about the other person's accent or color...

i know i'm making a huge deal about this dog dying ((which he did in the end)) but it was something that i can look at for the bigger picture and not just for the fact that i got bit by it.. i'm not mad at it at all.. it was acting completely instinctually... poor thing

yesterday i went to warped tour and was just completely fascinated by all the kids that go.. i'm even more fascinated because i know that half of them were looking forward to warped tour for awhile and planned out their outfits really well to show off to everyone.. to be aesthetically pleasing.. to please the sense of sight of everyone else... AMAZING!

i went with my friend spencer ((hi if you ever read this!!)) and he had a lot of fun watching the bands he likes.. but i only really liked a couple that were playing and not even that much so i couldnt help but just watch everyone in amazement (i got in for free and mainly just went to hang out with all my friends affiliated with the tour))... people amaze me some times.. well, all the time.. just the way they act, their thought process that you can see painted on their faces.. man o man... the human race, something weird

ok i'm going to start reading again.. i'm trying to finish all of the harry potters ((again)) before the new movie comes out... i forgot how good all of these books are.. i'm homo for rowling no joke

angela... OUT!

Now You Know

ok so here i am sitting in my room finally having some time to read my Time magazines which have been neatly ((not too neatly)) piling up on my desk... and i just remembered now why i fell in love with this magazine.. it's super left-wing, we all know this ((well, most of us know this)) but it does give factual evidence to things that are going on now..... ok let me just present my evidence to my argument:

june 29 issue:

1."The average temperature in the U.S. has risen 2 degrees F over the past 50 years ((not a lot to us, a lot for the world tho)) if carbon emissions are not reduced, it may climb as much as 11 degrees more by 2090."

ok what does that mean?? a few degrees rising is hhhuuuggeeee for the world!! i mean in the span of the world's lifetime, 50 years is a walk in the park.... sure it's half, or more than half, of a human life, but it's ssooo short for the world. what i'm trying to say is.....

stop having kids please... they're not going to last... and even if they do, they'll have to deal with the shit you're doing now...

everytime i see someone walking with a stroller pushed by one hand and the other hand holding another two year old and then on a leash there's another child creating chaos behind the mother, i seriously have to stop myself from saying "STOP HAVING BABIES!! THATS ENOUGH OUT OF YOU!!" literally, OUT of you... please stop popping out kids!! that's one more mouth we have to feed... and with 4 million more people every week going hungry because of the rising food prices ((according to the World Food Group in Time mag)) we dont need one more selfish little mcdonald's-eating american fatty mouth consuming the last of what we have!!

i just cant take it here in america anymore.. other countries seem to be doing their part a little better than us... nobody in america remembers what it was like to sacrifice something for what they believe in.. the closest we're getting to that again is civil rights movement which is too far back for most of us and now the gay rights movement which doesnt affect HALF of us... everything is still too convenient but only because we're running off daddy Uncle Sam's credit card which is slowly becoming less and less reliable as the US loses its reputability because its spoiled brat children cant keep their mouths shut and their legs together and their wallets closed for one second.

Macchiavelli's The Prince explains that a huge part of the rise and fall of Caesar's rule was his providing of "bread and circus" for his people... if you keep them entertained and full, they'll do whatever you want.. but they won't start doing anything again until that is taken away.. and then, and only then, you have yourself a revolution...

the power of women

there is a taboo about feminism that make people cringe at the thought of dikey women getting together to castrate men and provide solely for themselves... well, i mean, if you think of feminism in that way

some words just get bad reps and can never be taken seriously again... ((communism, balls, etc))... and i think feminism has gotten a bad rep.. i really think women need to stick together as much as they can.. they're so vindictive and evil, but i think it's only because they're so afraid of everyone else, so afraid of their ego falling...

i work with the best group of girls... my manager only picks girls to work with us who she knows will get along with everyone.. and, surprisingly, there is absolutely NO drama at my work!! and this is usually not the case when there is a 10:1 ratio of girls to guys.. but there isnt any fighting.. all of the girls i work with are absolutely amazing, strong, kind people who look out for each other and truly care for everyone else... this is the kind of feminism i'm talking about.. just being able to truly love each other and not fight or bicker or take revenge on anything.. these are women, not girls.. i'm one of the youngest ones there and i am learning so much from all of them.. my god, i do work with the best girls around ((i work at open sesame.. and if you dont know what that is, you need to find out!!))

i bring this up because i have been kind of having a bad couple of days for reasons i will not disclose as i have made this a blog of bigger perspective, not tedious bullshit

anyway, the girls in my life have given me so much strength and motivation to move forward with my life and i pity anyone who does not have a strong friend-base.. it really does make or break a person.. especially because the people who you surround yourself with usually tend to define you.. which is true for the most part.. and i'm so thankful for all of the girls in my life

so women, please keep your friends closer than your boyfriends/husbands/FWB (friend-with-benefit).. because they ((the boy... or girl!!) will always ALWAYS come and go but your friends will be standing next to you each time that happens

don't say you weren't warned

lately

been thinking about you bbbaabbbyyy.. and everything you dooo... haha does anyone know what song this is??

well anyway, lately ((really, i'm starting with that)) i've been so involved in things i know i SHOULD be doing and forgetting about the things i like to do... it's been making me really depressed: loss of appetite leading to loss of weight ((which i cant afford since my peak is 110)), change in attitue and outlook towards life, change in personality, etc. i would cry everyday for a short amount of time ((don't pity me.. it's just a factor to the point i'm going to make)).... i would get mad at everyone, very irritable.. ok you get the point

so i was thinking, "what can get me out of this rut??"... it had to be something somewhat symbolic for me seeing as how i live my entire life looking for symbols and signs to lead me in the right direction ((literally... i flip a coin for decisions.. and not just any coin.. a Franc that i've had for awhile and have put all my energy into it so it'll always give me a right decision.. dont judge me))... so my friend gina tells me it's a neq zodiac year: year of the aries (yours truly) and then a couple of my guy friends told me about a book called "Power of Now"... and then that book came up in conversation with a customer at work... then, i bought a rubiks cube, learned how to solve it in under 5 minutes...

so how do these all tie into each other?? they're signs of change... the book: it's a new enlightenment i can tack onto the long list of influences i already have but might have forgotten
the new zodiac year: it represents change, which i feel like i need
the rubiks cube: it's a small detail that brings me joy, relieves stress and helps me remember that i can do something fun and for myself and still be productive throughout the day

so, in the end, i have transitioned from a rut to back-to-normal all because i waited a while and let it come to me

what's the point?? i have friends who resort to drinking, smoking, pills, etc. when they're not at the top potential... but these, along with any other antibiotic (medication) are just short-term fixes.. i chose a more difficult path to find my happiness but i didnt have to toxify my body, buy any drugs, make a fool of myself ((not saying everyone does, but DAMN!)...

the point is.. if you're unhappy with your life, reflect on why... it all usually stems down to one simple question: "what am i afraid of?" you can be afraid of rejection, afraid of your ego being hurt ((usually the case)), scared of what others might think if you dont succeed, etc. there's plenty of answers to this question, but it is up to the individual to find that answer and then work through it

you can do it.. everyone.. i have faith.. please dont become a waste of human capital and drown your sorrows because it's too hard to face them

((this is to nobody in particular, but just a word to the wise))

if anything, this post is for me.. so i can look back and remember what made me happy and how i did it.. not that it's always going to be the same, but i can get an idea

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU, and also with you ((that's a tie between jedi-ism and catholicism))

the power of the mind is a funny thing. you either realize the potential of the mind and utilize it full-force, or you let that power go to waste and thus become a waste of human capital (solely a consumer)

in the past couple of weeks, i've been realizing that i have a choice in my thoughts. i can think about whatever i want, along with think HOWEVER i want about anything. my perspective is my choice, along with my actions and reactions. what i choose to think about during the day is completely based on me. it's a complex concept, thinking about the fact that you have the power to think about whatever you please. this action about thinking about thinking is what seperates us from the rest of the animals. we are homo sapiens "wise thinkers".. we are conscious of ourselves.

i was looking at the street this morning while i was driving to work and i was straining to see as far ahead of me as i could possibly see. then i started to imagine the street at a 2-dimensional picture that my eyes are painting for my thoughts. because really, that's all it really is. we only know that the tiny trees in the distance are not really tiny because eventually we have tha ability to move closer to them and see perspective and depth within our 2-dimensional thought transfer from eyes to mind. if it were not for the experience-based perspective of the image, we would not realize that the trees far off in the distance were not really tiny, but just far away. trying to imagine the image from eyes to be just a 2-dimensional painting is a really hard thing to do, but it's weird that if i so pleased to think that way, i would be pleased in seeing the world in that fashion

i have to get back to reading accounts of galileo's inquisition, which just so happens to land on my bday (april 12).. so this will make April 12, 2009 the 376th anniversary of galileo's inquisition

all he wanted was to show the world that there's more to thinking than the divine thought. that we have potential to exceed the limits of what "god has logically allowed."

now you know.

why.. i dont know!!

I dont know why I havent been writing in this.. I always think about it, but then i never get around to it.

memo to self: start paying attention to minor details. it seems like my focus is always the bigger picture, bigger things. i feel like everyone needs to just pay attention, and appreciate, the smaller things in life. like colors, smells, nature, etc. "stop and smell the roses" seems like a good way to sum up how i feel.

see, here i am again not knowing what to write... "I'M NO SUPERMAN!"... ((scrubs is on))

learning about rome and western civilization makes me realize more and more that america is not going to last too much longer as the world's biggest superpower..
it just doesnt happen..
every other country ((or empire)) that thought so just fell super hard.
history should teach us what NOT to do again, when really, people take history and just go "we're better than that now though"...
so nothing is developed..
no progress..
just nationalism nationalism "our country is the best!!"...
there is no "hey, our country might need some work"
because that's just terrorism!! ISN'T IT!?!

"you're either with us or you're a terrorist"

ok angelica is on her way to my house and she's going to be pissed that i'm still in my PJs watching scrubs haha